


Drunk on Halloweeen with Somebody Else

by avasharpe



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Please Don't Hate Me, Sad Ending, like foreal its really sad i hope yall dont hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26394712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avasharpe/pseuds/avasharpe
Summary: "My blue sweater still has your scent. And I hate myself for liking it.I hate you, Sara. So much."orWhere Ava discovers Sara has someone else and decides to write her a letter about it.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 10





	Drunk on Halloweeen with Somebody Else

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! this oneshot is inspired by the songs drunk on halloween, by wallows, and somebody else, by the 1975. i really recommend listening to the latter while reading.  
> &also this is really sad im sorry--- and it's my first time posting here, so please dont be too hard on me 😔😔😔

Ava stares at the paper sheets lying on the table in front of her. She sits down and stands up several times, not exactly knowing what to do. Her own lifeless laugh echoes through the room.  
  
"This is so stupid.", She mumbles to herself. Some days ago, Ray — who is the only legend she can't handle ignoring, since he doesn't seem to pick up on the signs she gives, very unsuccessfully trying to tell him she doesn't want to talk — told her that maybe writing what she felt could help her comprehending it and getting rid of those weird and unwelcomed feelings. She shouldn't feel like something was missing, after all that happened... _should she?_  
  
"I shouldn't do this, anyway. I look miserable." Ava says, more to herself, since there's anyone else in the room. she stares at the paper again. Cursing herself mentally, she sits down and quickly writes _"Dear Sara"_ on the top of the page.  
  
She hesitates for a moment, her hand hovering the blank pages. The unfamiliarity of the act suddenly makes her nervous. She slowly lowers the pencil and starts writing.

  


* * *

  


"Dear Sara,  
  
I don't really know how to start this, nor do I know what to write here. Ray told me that it would feel good so, here I am.  
  
I've been wondering what you've been doing. I know I shouldn't, not after what you did, not after that happened, but I can't help it. Old habits, I guess. Right?  
  
Last week I was cleaning my bedroom because I was super stressed over something that happened at the Bureau (I know, so me) and I found some pictures. Old pictures. Well, not "childhood pictures" kind of old, old "two years ago" old.  
  
I found several of Zari and Nate. I miss them. _So much._ How are they? I haven't seen them in a while. I really wish I had the courage to go to the Waverider and talk to them, but I don't, sadly. I don't think i have the strenght to see your face again. It's so selfish of me — yes, I'm aware —, but i just can't. I hope they don't hate me for ignoring them. I'm still processing everything.  
  
Anyway, I — obviously — found pictures of you, too. Of us, to be more accurate. And i found myself looking at them and missing something. Well, not something, missing _you._ Missing your hugs, your stupid jokes, all the times you said you loved me. Those were times where we would literally forget the world around us and focus just on one another, do you remember? Probably not. It wasn't real anyway, _not for you._ But I, otherwise, do remember.  
  
I remember days where we would just stare at each other for hours. Days where we would go out and pretend it was our wedding anniversary (even if we have never been engaged at all), just because that restaurant gave free dessert if we told so. Days where I felt your gaze on me, watching me sleep.  
  
Remember when you would steal my sweaters and swear to never give them back? And I always pretended that I hated it when, actually, I thought it was adorable. My clothes were always way too big for your tiny body. While I was looking at the pictures, I caught myself asking to the void of my room: _was it all a lie?_  
  
My navy blue sweater still has your scent. And I _hate_ myself for liking it. It's the one you wore the most. You used to say it looked great on me, but I guess I never wore it again, since you stole it. I saw it on my closet two days ago, so I realized you gave it back when you left me.  
  
I hate you, Sara. _So much._ I hate that all of my clothes smell like you. I hate that my bed feels so empty. I hate how sometimes I look around the house looking for you, and then remember that you're not here anymore. Hate how i distanced myself from my best friend — and probably lost her by now — because of you. Hate how you ruined every single place I used to like, because all of them remember me of you. You ruined all of my favorite songs. I hate you for doing that, for doing all of this. Hate you for leaving me like that, _for using me like that._ And I hate the way I miss you. Because I shouldn't, it's so clear that I shouldn't. Then why, Sara, _why_ does _everything_ remind me of _us?_  
  
And I don't get it. I really don't. Because I don't want it back, I don't want _you_ back.  
I remember every single night where I called you and you were drunk, lying to me that you weren't drinking, _acting like I don't know you._ I still remember (quite vividly, to be honest) that halloween where I accepted the truth. That whole night that I spent drinking and trying to ease the pain, and I don't even like the taste of alcohol. Still remember the morning that i wasted sitting down and staring at you while you stared at your phone, wondering if you were thinking about the fun you've had with somebody else. _Did you think of how I would be if I ever were to find out?_ I don't think so. You really hurt me, Sara. I felt so betrayed.  
  
I hope you enjoy your new life. And your new girlfriend, by the way. You got over me so easily it vexes me.  
  
That's exactly what I don't get. _Why_ does it vex me? Because, as I said, I don't want you back, but I hate to think about you with somebody else. I don't want your body, but I _keep picturing you with somebody else._  
  
I think I just don't know how to say goodbye to the good old days, and, in consequence, don't know how to say goodbye to the bad days, either. After all, you _were_ the first person I had a real thing with.  
  
Then, this makes me come to a conclusion: since I don't know how to say goodbye — by now, at least — I don't think I miss you. Actually, correcting myself, I do _not_ miss you. I miss what we _had,_ the good moments. I miss having someone to care about me, to make stupid jokes and say dumb things just to make me smile. I miss the late nights watching terrible movies just to laugh at them. The _"Twilight Sessions"_ where we would just mock every single character.

I miss _company._ I miss my friends.  
I miss Zari, and Nate, and Ray, and Nora.  
_Everyone._ Not _you._

With this letter, I'm officially saying goodbye — to you and to all of the things I couldn't say goodbye to.  
  
I hope you never read this.  
  
Sincerely, _Someone you used to love.”_

  


* * *

  


Ava blurts out a deep sigh — which she didn't even know was there —, feeling oddly relieved. She really had no idea how much she needed this. It felt like she wrote everything in thirty seconds.  
  
She reads her own writing, paying attention to each word and every single feeling she put in every single one of them. She reads the first sentence once again. “Dear Sara”. She stares at it, before erasing and writing something different.  
  
_“Dear Someone that I don't love anymore”._  
  
Ava lowers the pencil, putting it on the table again. She takes a last look at the letter, before picking it and throwing it on the garbage.  
  
And then, all of a sudden, the only sound that can be heard in the room is her own breath and her loud thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> i mean it's not like i didn't warn you about it being sad.  
> thank you for reading !! any thoughts?


End file.
